For the man who runs
Why high-functioning men flee depth and choose distraction instead
There are men who run not because they don’t care but because they were never taught how to stay.
Not taught how to tolerate discomfort.
Not taught how to name fear without hiding behind charm.
Not taught how to feel without fleeing into strategy.
Not taught how to let another person see the unpolished self.
And so these men become incredibly competent in life and utterly illiterate in love.
They can lead, perform, achieve, negotiate, excel.
But in the quiet scrutiny of genuine intimacy?
They panic.
They freeze.
They vanish.
This is not cruelty. It’s conditioning.
When vulnerability feels like danger, avoidance becomes identity.
THE SPLITTING
*The woman he desires vs the woman he chooses*
Avoidant men often internalise a false binary: the woman who awakens desire and the woman who feels “safe” enough not to expose them.
They admire one woman’s depth, intelligence and intuition yet choose another woman’s simplicity, predictability and surface-level ease.
Not because the latter is lesser but because the former makes them feel seen.
And being seen feels like threat.
So they retreat toward the familiar:
the low-friction connection,
the low-accountability relationship,
the low-intimacy partner who doesn’t require emotional courage.
These more surface level connections are strategic refuges for men who haven’t built the internal structure for intimacy.
The tragedy is that many high-achieving men mistake emotional safety for boredom and intensity for compatibility.
And so they run from the woman who mirrors their potential and choose the woman who mirrors their avoidance.
THE VOID HE HIDES WITH LIFESTYLE
These men often live at a fast pace - work, gym, alcohol, novelty, stimulation, accomplishments, aesthetics.
From the outside, they look impressive.
On the inside, there is a quiet, persistent emptiness.
Not a flaw.
A wound.
A wound they keep at bay through momentum.
Stillness feels like exposure.
Slowness feels like vulnerability.
Intimacy feels like surrender.
So they run toward distraction because distraction does not ask them to feel.
They choose the life that looks good over the life that feels true.
THE WOMAN WHO SEES HIM
At some point he encounters a woman who perceives him accurately.
Not the curated persona but the man beneath it.
She isn’t impressed by his armour.
She isn’t blinded by his competence.
She doesn’t melt for the performance.
She sees the unclaimed tenderness.
She sees the fear.
She sees the potential.
And that is precisely why he retreats.
It’s not that he doesn’t want her, it’s that he does, and wanting her threatens the identity he has spent a lifetime protecting.
To receive her love he would have to confront himself.
And so he runs.
Not away from her but away from the man he is afraid to become.
THE UNIVERSAL TRAGEDY
Avoidant men don’t lose women because those women demanded too much.
They lose women because those women required presence and they have only ever mastered performance.
They aren’t commitment-phobic, they are self-confrontation-phobic.
And in choosing what feels safe over what feels meaningful they end up living lives that are half as deep as the ones they were capable of.
THE DEVASTATING END
Here is the truth avoidance always teaches too late:
The woman who challenged you was the woman who could have expanded you.
The woman who intimidated you was the woman who would have met you.
The woman you ran from is the woman you will remember.
And the women you ran toward, the ones who never required you to grow, will be the ones you forget.
Because the real loss was never her.
It was the version of yourself you refused to become.